The Last Time I’ll Ever Eat This…

Has anyone ever told you “slow down! (or stop over thinking about this)… This isn’t the last time you’ll ever eat [insert food here]” or have you maybe told this to yourself? I know I’ve heard that phrase many times before and I’ve even used it on myself before.

A funny thought came to me the other day:

There are so many foods that I will never eat again.

Not because I’m not allowed to, but because the people associated with those foods are no longer in my life…or because those foods come from a time in my life that is over.

And there will be more foods that will leave my life; there will be times when I will eat things for the very last time. ever.

And that scares me…

What if he leaves me and we never go get froyo again and sit outside talking for an hour? Or go on a dinner date? Or cook for one another?  This could be the last time I ever eat a crumble that we made together…

It’s been years since any of us has had our Nana’s applesauce; she no longer knows how to make it.

What happens if my grandma doesn’t pass along my Nana’s recipes…they’ll be lost…

What if my brother becomes estranged and this is the last birthday cake I ever make him…what if I lose him…

What if something tears us all apart and some people are no longer in my life…

What if something stops my mom from cooking, and I never eat her burnt beef stew again…

🙂 Just trying to lighten the mood (love you mommy!)

It’s happened before; it will happen again. Sometimes, it really is the very last time that you might ever eat something.

About a year ago, I found a recipe that closely resembled my ex stepmother’s Moroccan Stew: a dish that I grew up loving and asking for on special occasions. It’s one of many dishes that I associate with her, and one of many dishes that I will never eat again.

I was so excited to try it; I altered it based on how I remembered her making the dish.

It was almost perfect. And I felt a huge sense of relief at being able to create the dish; it was like being able to hold onto a part of the past that I thought I could never have again. I even cried.

Food can be re-created…

and sometimes relationships cannot.

That’s why it is so very important to me now to spend the rest of my life focusing on the people around me instead of the food in front of me.

I want to spend my time and effort loving my nana, my grandma, my mom, my family, my friends…not sneaking food from the kitchen and stashing it away because I have a strange desire to hoard food as if I’ll never have it again.

If ever I have to say goodbye, then I will know that I spent my time wisely…and maybe I will try to re-create the dishes I remember them making. And I will think of it as a small “hello” from someone who loved me.

2 thoughts on “The Last Time I’ll Ever Eat This…

    • Fortunately, my great grandmother did pass her macaroni and cheese recipe to my grandmother. I really need to learn it as well. But nobody knows my great grandma’s applesauce recipe anymore, not even my great grandma 😦 It’s a lost one.

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