Dear Self, You don’t know it yet, but you’re going to be ok.

self

7 years and 105 pounds ago

Hello, self.

I just wanted to tell you, it’s going to be ok.

You don’t know it self, but, one day, you will lose the weight. But, of course, that won’t fix everything. You don’t know that yet though. You don’t know that there’s more to it yet. That’s ok.

You don’t know it, self, but, one day, you’ll find someone who would and will love you yesterday, today, and tomorrow. You don’t know it, self, but you’re already worth loving.

You don’t know it, self, but you’re going to be successful. You’re going to have a career, and you’re going to be good at it. You don’t know it, self, but you’re going to fight so hard. You don’t know it, self, but you’re going to do great things.

You don’t know it, self, but one day, that smile will be real. Then, you’ll struggle to find it again, but that’s ok. You don’t know it, self, but life is both more beautiful and more difficult than you know. You don’t know it, self, but you’ll be glad you woke up tomorrow morning.

You don’t know it, self, but tomorrow comes. Things change in ways you don’t know, self. You change in ways you don’t know. You don’t know it, self, but you don’t know yourself. I wish I could tell you who you are, but I still don’t know you, self. I still struggle to love you, self. I’m sorry for that.

You don’t know it, self, but you’re already beautiful. You don’t know it, self, but those are still just words to me even now. You don’t know it, self, but you have a voice. You don’t know it, self, but you’ll find that voice. I believe.

You don’t know it, self, but you’ve been lied to. You don’t know it, self, but you’ve lied to yourself as well. You don’t know it, self, but you’re going to need help figuring all of this out. You don’t know it, self, but it’s OK to ask for this help. You don’t know it, self, but you deserve help even now. You don’t know it, self, but someone else believes you deserve help too.

I worry for you, self. I cry for you, self. I am angry at you, self. I am angry for you, self. Because you, frozen image self…you will never know these things. You, self caught in time, will never know love, joy, self respect, passion, drive. You, past self, will never know yourself. But, I want to know you, self. I want to love you, self. I want to be you, self.

We don’t know it, self, but we will be best friends. We don’t know it, self, but we will be the most important person to ourself forever; we touch our life more than any other. We don’t know it, self, but we need one another.

I don’t know you, self. But someday, I hope I will.

Love (someday soon),

You.

—-

Note: I am intentionally not including any current pictures in this letter tonight because the picture included here is of the girl who deserves to be seen. She is deserving of love. She deserves to hold her head high. If either of “us” inspires anyone, she should be that one. If you want to be proud of someone involved in this journey here, then, please… be proud of her then, not me now. 

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34 thoughts on “Dear Self, You don’t know it yet, but you’re going to be ok.

  1. I really feel like you reached inside and found my heart and soul and finally gave it a voice to say what it screams to me everyday. When will I ever give myself its chance? Who am I? This was deep and hurt but only because its true and I feel sad for self.

  2. This is so right!!! You are freaking strong, loved, loving, and unique. You have done what others dare to do, I am proud of you and live the same daily struggles with you. Congratulations for finding SELF and letting her know how important she is, thank you.

  3. I can relate to every think you ssid. I just wish I had known or had the wisdom to know when I had lost my weight. I gained it all back plus more. 150 pounds. I’m struggling to this day to find me. 30 years later. It hit home. So thank you for you, for me.

  4. This is very powerful. It really resonated with me. I’m a man but I understand exactly what you are talking about. I hate it when people have comments about my weight loss or how great they think I look. I used to love it at first. Now I am 2-3 pounds under the weight that my nutritionist said I should be. I still can’t help looking in the mirror and seeing areas where I want to loose more weight. I am very happy with the overall progess but it’s so much more complicated. My body has changed but my relationship with food hasn’t changed. Thank you for sharing this.

  5. I love this blog. Anyone who is seriously overweight (like myself) knows that it isn’t about the amount of food you are eating but rather WHY are you eating that amount of food. There is a reason(s) (everyone has their own) why we turn to food. Most of the times that I eat I am actually not hungry. You can lose 200 pounds and it won’t make a difference. Finding yourself, and understanding who you are and why you do the things you do is what will make the difference. Thank you for sharing your struggle and good luck on your journey of discovery!!!!!

  6. Word for word you have said everything that I feel and have gone/is going through. Thank you for putting it into words for me!/

  7. I relate to every word you wrote, thank you. I always think that the bigger I get the more invisible I feel. When someone smiles or says “hi” to me I am caught of guard as I feel like I am not worth it or why would they say “hi” to me….I am huge. You are an inspiration.

  8. Hands down to you and yourself. You have truly achieved a great accomplishment and the start of a new life style which will be beneficial to you for the rest of your life.
    Enjoy !

  9. I have to be honest. I read this and cried. This letter to self was very powerful. I have lost and gained back 30lbs. in the last 5 years, and now I am up even more than That was when I started. I just keep trying but my all or nothing attitude really good gets in my way. I know my issues with food are emotional, but I cannot seem to break the pattern. Your blog has truly had an impact on me and I thank you for that.

  10. Thank you so much for this blog. You touched a place deep in my soul. I am still overweight and struggle with losing and part of my reason is I lost it before and gained it back so I know I haven’t done all the headwork that I need to. And also, when I lost it before, people did treat me differently and I didn’t understand that. I was still the same person and now I think if they don’t like me now why should I change so they do?? But I also am miserable at this weight so I know I must change. But again, thank you for this. You are NOT alone!

  11. I love the part where you say,’She deserves the respect[the heavier you]….that cut me to the core because i am the ‘you’ right now and i know i have so much to learn and respect about myself.Thank you.Could you email me? Or post how you STAYED MOTIVATED….I am so scared to try AGAIN and i am old enough to be your mom 2 times over.

  12. I do not have experience with weight loss but I am a seeker on the spiritual path to God and this is some of the most honest, heart-felt writing I have encountered. It truly shows that you are listening to your soul and seeking to care for your soul in all its undiscovered specialness. You have motivated me to continue on my journey of self-transformation and change despite all the challenges and vicissitudes of this material world. Thank you and God bless you, you are so beautiful

  13. The post that went viral is how I came upon your blog. Your post really hit me hard (in a good way). I commend you for being such a fabulous writer. The way you were able to capture your feelings and so beautifully express them in words brought me to tears. I related so much to it that I shared it with my husband. He said it helped him understand me better through your words since I was never able to express it to him that way. Now he says he can better support me since he understands more about me through your beautifully written words. Be proud of yourself and your visibility and how much you have helped others just like me. Thank you.

  14. Keep going! You are on to something. Self discovery can be the most important work we do here on earth. At 52 I am still working on it and have many days I question what it is exactly that I am doing here. At least now I actually want to be here. (For a long time I did not) I want to do the work because in my experience and from what I see on this page, that is how we develope sincere and authentic connection not only to our own true nature, higher self, source and God, but to each other. Thank you for this blog post. It is inspiring me to go deeper and continue my own search for me.

  15. Yes, yes, a thousand times YES! “During”. Perfect! I have lost 55 pounds. I still lost my husband, even though I got healthy. I look great. So what? I feel great. Ok, that’s better. But it’s finding out who we are…its not about who we were, because as you said, we are still “that girl”. It’s in that realization that the “during” starts to be good. We are each “enough”. We were before, too, but it’s okay that weight loss was our catalyst to discover our “me”. Thank you for discussing our deeper-than-a-number-crisis. God bless you!

  16. This post is incredible. It gives me so much hope. Your honesty and ability to let your deep feelings come to the surface is stunning. Thank you so much.

  17. You are an inspiration to anyone with a “life” challenge. The very best to you on your Life’s Journey….

  18. Thank you so much for sharing this. I cried when I read it. You are beautiful and I love it that you are honouring the person you are and have always been.

  19. You are exactly as God designed you to be. Beautiful, strong, courageous, wanted and adored. You are so much more than a number on the scale! You are His precious princess! He has been fighting for you ever since you were born! May you know the truth and the truth shall set you free! John 8:32

  20. How wonderful you are taking this journey now while you are young. It gets harder and harder as we get older and older. The understanding you are developing now is enviable. I’m 77 and still working on it.

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