Dear Body, You’re Pretty Badass

I don’t spend a lot of time really connected with my body. In fact, I quite often try to tune it out or escape from it. I haven’t given my body a lot of credit. I don’t often acknowledge its strengths (although I’m damn good at tearing it to pieces for its failures). But, lately, I’ve been really appreciating my body — not for what it looks like but for what it’s doing. And doing well.

I’m now 30 weeks pregnant, and I have seriously been lucky. Aside from the ridiculous insomnia I had in first trimester, early-onset braxton hicks, and a slightly irritable uterus, my body has physically been handling this pregnancy splendidly. I’ve passed all my blood tests, my blood pressure remains right where it’s been since I lost weight before getting pregnant, and I haven’t had any swelling so far. I can still get down on hands and knees every morning and evening to give my foster cat his pills, I can still squat down to read labels on the low shelves at grocery stores, and I was even able to walk endlessly for 4 days on our pre-baby vacation to St. Augustine. I’m certainly gaining weight (28 pounds so far, if I’m being transparent and honest), but even that has been just steady since the beginning.

26 to 30

Excuse me while I go knock on some wood, because we all know I’ve just completely jinxed myself.

Truly, I don’t mean this as a bragging post. I really can’t take much credit for any of this — I’ve just gotten lucky. But, I do want to acknowledge it. Because I’m really really hard on this body. I criticize it so much and so often, and I just feel like it’s worth it to pause and acknowledge that no matter what happens from this point forward — even if it all goes to hell in the next 10 weeks — my body has done something pretty awesome these last 30 weeks. And that really makes me appreciate it in a way I’ve never taken the time to even think about.

I remember the first time I joined a Zumba class was when I first started thinking “look at what my body can do!” I’d push myself so hard jumping and kicking just because I could — because there was a time when I couldn’t. When I returned to horseback riding, I marveled at what I could do with my body: I could use it to communicate with a creature 10 times my size, and that animal listened…usually…unless it was a mare. 😉 When I started cantering and jumping bareback, I loved the knowledge that my body was strong and balanced enough to stay on.

horse

These feelings — I’ve not had them at all since getting pregnant. I’ve been so so focused on the weight gain that I’ve just not acknowledged at all what my body is doing.

We’re doing this — my body and me…and the baby too. We’re growing life. I’m pretty sure that trumps flying bareback on a horse. You’re pretty badass, body.

So, anyways. I just wanted to take a moment and appreciate this: that my body is doing this. I know that not everyone gets to do this – and through absolutely no fault of their own. I’m lucky. I’m blessed. And I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that.

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9 thoughts on “Dear Body, You’re Pretty Badass

  1. You bring joy to me just hearing your vulnerable openness.

    One moment one breath at a time, u are on your way and living a new life!

    I cheer and clap and pray a blessing on you.

    I am recovering from many wounds myself.

    Keep writing us!

  2. Congratulations! Pregnancy is its own roller coaster, and you are handling yours just fine. You are totally beautiful, btw, whatever your size. Not long to go now! Wishing you the very best in your third trimester, and at delivery.

  3. Oh my… I can soooo relate to you!

    I lost weight with WeightWatchers in 2011, the I was on the journey of maintaining. And 2014 I got pregnant. And I felt A LOT LIKE YOU! And now I have the most precious little Babyboy anyone can EVER imagine. Two weeks after giving birth I went straight back too my meetings, carrying my baby always with me. I enjoyed every meeting with him – and still do! Exactly 6 month after birth I was right back to my pre-pregnancy weight! It really is doable. But I relate to you not just feeling happy for the baby, but being anxious for your body…

    If you can read in german – check out my completely new blog, I just started with it. But just yesterday I wrote a post I am sure you would love: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/45340354/posts/951167777

    It is called: Den Körper lieben lernen oder Mamas kommen in allen Formen

    Which would be: learn to love the body or moms com in all different shapes.

    If you want, I would translate it especially for you – and for your little Emma! Beautiful name!!!!!! I am very happy for you and your little family!!!!

    Love,

    Undtaeglichgruesstdasmurmeltier.worldpress.com

  4. Hey! I love your blog! I also have issues with maintaining a healthy weight, check out my blog for more detail. Congrats on your pregnancy, my wife is also pregnant. She is about 30 weeks as well.

  5. Just discovered your blog, and I just wanted to tell you that you are doing fantastic! I, too, have had a very difficult relationship with my body (due to childhood abuse), but have come a very long way. I love that you can appreciate the miracle of pregnancy that your body is going through. It can be an amazing time. My own experience after delivering my son, with all the extreme hormonal shifts, was very tough. Know that the first several weeks after delivery are a time that is important to have a support system in place so you get enough rest. You must take care of yourself, so you can take care of baby. Best of luck with everything.

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