30571342_10102168461817083_6184525131239391232_nUpdated September 2018: Where do I begin? This blog began as a weight-loss journey blog and has now grown into what I like to call a “life-gain journey” blog. You’ve been with me through my high and low weights as well as high and low moments. Through pregnancy, postpartum mental health struggles, weight loss, and more.

A bit about my journey: I joined Weight Watchers in August 2010 weighing in at 226.2 pounds (I had previously lost ~10 pounds on my own, making my highest weight ~235 pounds). I left Weight Watchers in June 2014 and began using MyFitnessPal at that point. I have also struggled on and off with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder (ED-NOS), all of which is both a product of and a producer of my weight issues. It’s a complicated cycle, huh?

In 2015, my husband and I decided to have a baby! I committed myself to documenting the changes in my body in an open and honest way so that others could get an idea of what pregnancy after major weight loss can be like. Then, in May 2016, I had my daughter and fell into the pit of severe postpartum anxiety as well as mild postpartum depression and OCD.

In 2018, I decided to confront my disordered eating and body dysmorphia head-on. I began seeing an eating disorder dietician and working with therapists who specialize in eating disorder treatment and trauma. I also turned my focus to fitness for the first time — having never really exercised while losing all of this weight.

Through it all, I’ve tried to speak about even the scariest things, because I truly believe that nobody should feel ashamed or alone with anything that they are experiencing or feeling. I’ve spent too many years feeling that same utter loneliness and, in my shame, avoiding life; I want to spend the rest of my time on earth living and loving fully.

For those interested, you can also find me on Instagram @saladflambe


66 thoughts on “About

  1. Lisa, After reading your latest post from April 13th, 2015, I wanted to offer a few words of encouragement. I started my weight loss experience at 505 pounds–lost 275, maintained for a year and a half–then spent time in relapse and regain (gaining back 164 pounds). Now, I’ve lost nearly all of the regain weight over the last year and it has been an experience greater than all of the years before it.
    Your post struck a chord with me because I’ve been in exactly the same place. I refer to May 15th, 2014 as my epiphany day. It was the day I realized my self-worth and identity wasn’t tied to a number on a scale or any other thing that can change. The wonderful things about me were the same at 505 pounds and at 230…until May 15th last year, I was just too busy either loving my appearance or hating my appearance–and mostly brutalizing myself–so much, i didn’t recognize the most important things that make me who I am and always have.
    I’ve added the link to my post that day, I hope you’ll read it–it’s all about self-worth and identity…I’ve also added the link to my May 19th post.
    I hope you’ll make time to read these two posts on my blog. I think they’ll deeply resonate.
    Thank you

  2. I’m very moved by your posts! I’ve struggled with weight before and know it’s challenges, but this is true in so many aspects of life! I’m 54 now. I definitely wish I had figured all of this out when I was much younger!! But we all bloom at different times I suppose. 🙂 I’m so happy for your awareness and spiritual progress! Best wishes on your journey!!

  3. I can totally relate to your comment “I have also struggled on and off with depression and anxiety, all of which is both a product of and a producer of my weight issues. It’s a complicated cycle, huh?”. I agree it is a very complicated cycle that is no fun to be a part of.

  4. I just came across this blog today; and I look forward to reading all your posts. I currently weigh 289 lbs, and I have tried every diet in the book. I have every symptom of hypothyroidism; but my thyroid is normal. It was so funny, but the only time I could ever lose weight was when I was pregnant (I have 4 children). I would always lose about 30 lbs. in the beginning of pregnancy. I always guess it was due to a shift in hormones, because I never had morning sickness in any pregnancy. I live on a farm way out in the middle of no-where now, so there’s really no way to get to a gym. I am hoping to start losing just by working around my farm.

    I never have an appetite, so I never want to eat. I really have to force myself to eat; and trying to eat 4-6 small meals is impossible for me because i’m always on the go with 4 kids. It’s more like I am just constantly grazing or grabbing something to-go. I want to ask, how did you get started losing weight? I feel so ashamed of the way I look that I won’t even take pictures of myself with my children (which is killing me) because I hate the way I look in a picture. I worry that my weight is the first thing people notice about me; and I am very uncomfortable. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. Do you have any suggestions on something that may work to help lose and get in shape? I go to the doctor and even though I’m morbidly obese, my glucose, triglycerides, HDL/LDL. CBC, etc are all in the optimal range. Please help 😦

    • Hi, Amber, I’m new here, captured by Theresa’s “before and after” blog that I saw on facebook. Amber, we will always be unhappy with our appearance when we have a social norm for what we are not. Your kids love you anyway. You have value anyway. I think our society has become driven by outward appearances.

    • Amber, have you had an endocrinologist look at your pituitary gland? I have the exact same symptoms you described and my doctor found a tumor on my pituitary gland!!

  5. I’m lost myself. The numbers won’t fix my wounds. I feel like I deserve a shot though. I have never given up but have never started so I hide. Your blog was what my heart and soul scream.

  6. We are all beautiful in our own way, no matter what the numbers say, finding that beauty ourselves can be hard, we should never give up searching for it or doubt when others point it out.

  7. Thank you for your beauty, your honesty, and your courage. Thanks also for sharing your journey to self acceptance. Like many others, I’m sure, I can relate on both a personal level as well as a parent of an adult child who struggles every day with these issues and feels so alone. THANK YOU!

  8. Oh my gosh.. Thank you so very much for posting what you have. I just found your blog today… Your words are encouragement that it’s more than just weight. I am who I am, and I have to be ok with what I am. There will never be a before and after. Just a before and today… Thank you for all you’ve written. Truly means so much.

  9. Hi, I work for Women’s Adventure Magazine and would love to re-blog your post (“After”) on our site—I could post all of it or just an excerpt with a link to your blog, whatever is best for you. I think the writing is beautiful and the message is very insightful and I’d love to share it with our readers. Let me know if I can have permission to share it, and thanks for the honest and powerful piece.

  10. Hi there,

    Just came across your blog today, and find it extremely inspiring. I’ve read that Weight Watchers was a huge contributing factor to your weight loss. What kind of exercise routines were you able to stick with? Thanks so much!

    • I believe in the bar up at the top left of your screen is a little plus sign that says “Follow” and if you click that, you can follow the blog 🙂

  11. This reaches out to such a broader audience than you may realize. For me this is about living, being your true self, separate from your body. This is what I struggle with. Thank you for writing this. In your honesty, you’re so relatable and such a beautiful soul.

  12. I read your last post – it was shared by a friend on fb. I have ‘fought ‘ with my weight all my life. I should re-word that – I have fought with myself about my weight. Your words are inspiring – I hope you find an After-depression, After-anxiety and After-not_loving_yourself. As I continue my journey I’ll remember your words and look for what is inside me and think about my ‘After’ too.

  13. i appreciate reading your truth. I started hating my body and myself when I was 6 years old taking in comments from my family about a few extra pounds. My mother worrying that I would be just like her helped that little girl be just like her. 50 years later I don’t ever remember not living to lose weight. Every diet, 17 Years of Over eaters anonymous, 27 years of therapy, eating disorder groups, eating disorder therapist,loss and gain of hundreds of pounds over and over and a gastric bypass. I’m still a size 16w. Everybody loves me and wants to see me healthy. I don’t have another diet in me and I hate participating in the conversations. Funny I’m a nurse and have to helped others be healthy. Luckily with the bypass I can’t binge or eat lots of sugar or fat but I’ve found a way even with better foods to keep my weight high enough to keep my identity. It’s not what my heart wants but it’s what I know. I love reading your blog seeing someone so young trying to find your way into your life. I hope I do someday. I’ll never stop trying.

    • Hi Susan,
      I too am amazed and encouraged by this young lady’s blog…and have been reading thru others’ posts, as I try to decide what I would like to say to her. Then I saw your words and feel the need to “hold the mirror” of truth and love up for you to SEE your own beauty (inside & out) and allow you to also CHOOSE to stop victimizing yourself as you “keep your weight high because it’s what you know”…that hurt my heart for you, for me, and for all the rest of us who hide behind our weight to keep from becoming our WHOLE self. One of my favorite quotes, I think from Joyce Meyers?, is “DO IT AFRAID”! 🙂 Become the woman God (as you understand him -yes, I’m in recovery in OA) created you to be! If that is your current weight/size, then so be it…but since “its not what your heart wants”, then I feel moved to encourage you and yes, even challenge you, in love, that YOU ARE WORTHY AND YOU ARE STRONG, AND YOU ARE CAPABLE WITH GOD’S HELP, TO BECOME THE WOMAN (INSIDE AND OUTSIDE) THAT GOD CREATED YOU TO BE! Continue your journey, my friend! 🙂 Love&Light, C

  14. Finally! Someone who gets me! Reading over some of your stuff I felt like you were telling my story. It is hard to find people who truly understand this life process. I would love to chat with you about it. If you get a chance I would love for you to email me, so that I can share my journey with you.

  15. Congratulations on your journey! A friend and member of the I love my body diet just shared your link on our program page and she had me read this latest article. We all have these amazing journeys and when our journey can be heard and supportive to others its a huge gift. I want to invite you to the 30 day I love my body program. Its not about food its 30 simple exercises to loving self. We start every friday and I gift one person each group. I would love to gift you. Its all done on private Facebook group. Sounds so simple but the most simple things are the most powerful:) you can email me if you are feeling to understand what it is. If not we will be following your journey girl! Keep inspiring and being you. Its perfect

  16. Lisa – you really are amazing. inspirational, genuine, and an excellent writer to boot. i have been working hard on learning to love myself for the past few years and i have come to know that it is definitely a practice. a practice that really is my life, literally. thank you for your work here. you really do speak to my heart.

  17. Your honesty and self knowledge amaze me. I can only hope that some day I will know how I “feel” as well as you do! I think I’m open but actually don’t give myself time to look deeply. Congratulations on your getting to know you! You are so right. There is no “after” I’ve often wondered thru my weight loss journey why I wasn’t happier when someone compliments me. Now I know!

  18. I am in awe of your words! You did it!!! You actually cracked the core of our weight loss journey and packaged it for the whole world to take in! Including those that are on it! I hope you see our responses and that they spur you to write everyday.

    I think the greatest compliment a writer can receive is when they hear the words “you said exactly what ‘I’ feel inside. YOU wrote MY heart!” from a reader… And we all are resounding that praise!

    Thank you!

  19. Hey Lisa – great to meet you today! My social media savvy staff just sent me your most recent blog because they knew I’d love it. I DID! I’d love to chat with you if you’re open to it. We may have some interesting synergies to explore!

    Hope you’re having a great day – be the smart, strong and beautiful woman you ARE TODAY ❤

  20. I stand where you stood in August 2010. I’m scared, and your blog is incredibly heartwarming and I can hear your voice as clear as day, that I can do this. Thank you. Your awesome. Keep doing what your doing 😉

  21. Came within 10 lbs of goal. Quit. I can do this. 75+ lbs gone.
    Reality, more demons behind the almost thin door than behind the fat door.
    Struggling now with a 30+ gain. Can’t seem to being myself to succeed again, no matter how much I want to and pray. Question, do I really want to?
    Somehow found your blog yesterday. Seems like my story in some ways.
    Thank you, will follow, determined not to quit. Hang in there.

  22. What a great post about the before/after issue. Have you ever tried tapping (EFT) to work on the underlying issues about self-acceptance and love? It is actually highly effective; I use it all the time with clients and it is beautiful to witness people move from negative feelings about themselves to genuinely positive one. I’m also living proof of those inner shifts. If you would like to chat about this or learn more (I could guide you to some books, websites or even work with me), feel free to contact me. You are amazing and it is awesome that you are sharing your journey. 🙂

  23. So glad to meet you! Brava, brava for reaching your fitness goals and for being so lovely a person ❤ I’m on MFP too, changed my life! If you want another Pal, I’m AngieMc6. All my best to you!

  24. I hear you Lisa. I am very very grateful that you have expressed yourself. I see myself too and how insignificant the state of my body is to who I am in this beautiful precious moment.


  25. Lisa,

    Not gonna lie — you are pretty. Question for you though – it’s been said that people who’ve lost weight are more confident or gain confidence (in themselves, their looks, their body, and a whole myriad of other attributes) — do you agree with that? Why or why not?

    • When I was in high school, I lost 40 pounds, weighed 145, was of normal size, and was about as introverted as they come. I had zero confidence even though I’d lost weight, looked different, etc. Today, I have much more confidence. Not because I lost weight but because I’m learning to love myself. I’m learning to claim myself. As mine. If I am my own, and I love me, my confidence will grow. But, if I am not my own person or hate who I am, then there is no confidence – only a question: “what will make me good enough?” That question is the confidence killer. I have started to believe that I am already good enough. That’s where my new confidence comes from.

      • Thank you for the reply. Do you feel then that the two competing forces is between loving yourself as you are (and not “caring” as much about weight (i.e. you will just continue to eat whatever you want to because the change and the distinction in the perspective of how you view yourself has matured) or do you think your weight, whatever it is, is a factor in that equation?

  26. Omgoodness… I am in “during” and your words describe so much of how I am feeling. Thank you for being so honest and putting yourself out there… your words help me feel like I am not alone… and put into words the emotions I have been feeling but could not describe. ❤ ❤ ❤ love and peace to you ❤ ❤ ❤

  27. Hello Amazing & Strong Young Lady, Lisa!
    I recently hit the 50 lbs released mark and can remember venting to my OA group how irritated and vulnerable I felt when people began commenting on my appearance! Bottom line, I wasn’t ready to be noticed, to engage in my own life, as my inside did not yet match my outside…and so the journey continues! One day at a time, I CHOOSE to connect with God and to acknowledge that I am worthy to become the Amazing & Strong woman that He created me to be! Then I get out of my own way and CHOOSE to take action…by connecting with awesome people like you and all of these other amazing women who share the same struggle…by CHOOSING to eat healthy (one meal at a time), by choosing to go for a walk, by saying yes to an invitation from a “skinny” friend to go shopping, and a really BIG one…by beginning to face the truth about myself, the past and present issues & choices that I still allow to hold me back from reaching my potential…some days are 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, because the truth often hurts& takes time to “feel & deal” without STUFFING IT DOWN WITH FOOD…but day after day, I am never at the same starting place that I was “BEFORE”! I am Stronger, I am Braver, I am Growing, I am becoming ME and I AM ENOUGH DAMMIT! 🙂
    I honestly feel connected to all of you wonderful and beautiful people! Thank you, Lisa…for bringing us all together! For “DOING IT AFRAID!” I discovered an amazing website of 2 ladies on their awesome journey that sells bracelets, t-shirts, etc…that serve as a reminder of where we are and where we can choose to go in our life…its called trustyourjourney.com (I think?!)
    Sending you all Light & Love, C
    PS…I love that you included pictures of you singing and hiking! Both wonderful examples for those of us who tend to be afraid to engage in our own lives! Keep on keeping on, Sister! Big Hug! 🙂

  28. Hi Lisa,

    I loved your post After, and would love to syndicate it to our website, BonBon Break (www.bonbonbreak.com). Can you email me at alison {at} bonbonbreak {dot} com? Would love to chat.

    Thank you,

  29. you are not alone. I’ve never been heavy but have always struggled with my weight. It’s all about how you feel!!! Keep you head high, your beautiful!!

  30. Lisa, what a beautiful blog. You touch on many issues I have struggled with. I would recommend reading Beyond Chocolate, I think you’d enjoy it, and the related website.

  31. I have been struggling with the same issues as you for approximately 17 years… I am now 57… I will be 58 soon, My daughter sent me the link to your blog hoping I would find inspiration to move on… to move forward in a journey that has been an ongoing obsession with little progress… I must say once I started reading I couldn’t stop…. and yet there is still so much more to read…I encourage you to keep writing… keep using your voice…. I was / am inspired… I hear myself in your words… words I have for these many years been unable to articulate! Thank you! Thank you for sharing… for your honesty…. for your awareness and for being so brutally frickin’ honest about what’s going on inside your head with the rest of the world! Enjoy life… it goes by quickly!
    Thank you so much and I signed up and look forward to reading more as I move ahead in my own journey to find the me that I left behind… the me that is so covered up with fat… it’s a good buffer but it’s a lonely life of isolation. Here’s to looking forward to what continues to be revealed.

  32. Gosh how did i stumble on your blog?? I’m not too sure how but I’m thankful I did!! I am currently 4’11 and weigh 252 lbs ,,, wow did i really just admit and type the nightmare I live everyday? How and will I hit send ?! … I know what I need to do but have no idea how to do it! Where do I begin and how?.. your an inspiration to me as well as so many others!! If you have any suggestions for me to start this journey please do tell!! God bless you! SNL

  33. Dear Beautiful Soul. Your message is raw, honest, true, compassionate, and beautiful. I do believe it is what any woman, battling with her body, needs to hear. Results are not found in numbers we lose or gain, it is a deeper sense that we do not measure up. The most successful ‘weight loss’ I have found with myself, and my clients, is the mental and emotional stuff that weighs us down. Keep sharing your truth, there are many beautiful women that need to hear it. I would love to connect with you adrienneford.net

  34. It’s been a very long time since your last post. Your entourage needs you! I need you. Who am I? Nobody in particular, just like you. But I really enjoyed reading your posts. We all did. We love your honesty and insights. You inspire us.

    Maybe your newfound “fame” scared you. Maybe we intimidated you because there are so many of us. You were afraid of disappointing us. But we aren’t really an “us”. We are each individual souls walking our own paths through our own separate lives. We are your friends. Each of us. We care about you. I care.

    I miss you. Your stories. I really don’t care what you select to write about, because I know whatever it is, it comes straight from your heart. We each feel this way. I’m certain of that.

    Won’t you please come back to us?

    • Oh my goodness… it’s Andie from canyoustayfordinner! 🙂 I can’t believe you read my blog, haha. Sending you an email now; so sorry it took me a week to respond! ~Lisa

  35. I have been reading about your journey and the current ones that follow. I can hear you. I think it takes courage to share like you do. I hope you know no matter how imperfect your sharing or life goes you matter and it is making a difference. I am 39 I weigh 269lbs. I can identify with your struggles and am aware that my weight is only a symptom of a deeper problem. I am now ready for my journey of self discovery and with that I hope to lose the weight. I am not afraid or concerned of how I will succeed. I am afraid of how I will feel of where my emotions will take me and of discovering who I am at the end. Will I like who I am? Will others still love me? Thank you for sharing boldly and beautifully.

  36. I think this blog is beautiful, I can really feel how hope has helped you throughout these years. Such a strong woman, idol to many wanting to lose weight. Keep doing what you’re doing.

  37. Hey, I just went through some of the blog posts. It is incredible how far you’ve come off from where you were in 2008. That is a lot of years of hard work on yourself. I interested in knowing how you handled your mind while those eating and fitness routines. Amazing work!

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